After tonight’s class discussion on the way we use technology to communicate, I was a little bummed out. I love my phone, but I love my friends more. It worried me to think that my tiny iPhone could have such detrimental effects on my relationships and conversations. Why can’t I use my phone to develop these relationships instead of allowing the device to hinder them? According to this article by Maureen O’Connor, I can.
The article begins with a conversation between two women regarding an intimate relationship one of the women was having with a man. The women texted back and forth, sending pictures, comments about each other’s current partners and other superficial topics. One of the women even texted a selfie to her friend and asked for the woman’s opinion (she planned on sending it to a guy and she wanted approval).
The author, a woman slightly older than me, argues that technology actually allows users to become more connected, not the other way around like many people would have us believe. She notes the texting conversation that took place between the two women might’ve never happened in real life; later in the piece, she said the conversation would have been too superficial for face-to-face conversation. Regardless, it plays an important role in maintaing the relationship.
“When my generation moved out of the dorms, technology developed to allow us to live in a perpetual virtual slumber party, gossiping with all our friends. The result may actually be more intimate than the face-to-face alternative — without camera phones, I wouldn’t have seen my friend’s lip-biting sexy face. When we text, we’re free to indulge moment-to-moment specifics: waiting for a phone call, obsessing over he-said she-said texts, trying on outfits together before going to different parties in different cities or on other sides of the city.”
It sounds silly, but she highlights an important point. Many would agree the conversations we hold on social media and through text messages may actually be more intimate than face-to-face interaction. She continues by explaining how users create their own rooms. A Facebook thread can be used in the same way as a physical room housing all the friends. This suggests that physical interpersonal commitment isn’t always necessary in order to hold a conversation.
Instead of taking time out of the day to see a friend or family member, you are instead in constant communication with them. They are incorporated into your daily life, even if you don’t physically see them. Of course, this is not to say people can maintain a relationship solely on social media or on their phones, but it’s certainly a more positive outlook than what has previously been suggested. The author mentions a friend whose use of technology enables her to connect with others she doesn’t have the benefit of seeing often.
“As technology lowers the barrier for communication, she’s not just getting back in touch, but staying in touch, with friends who’d slipped through the cracks.”
The author explains the use of technology in terms of communicating with friends from the past and maintaining previously held relationships. She’s using texts and Facebook to remember her college days, but this kind of communication is rapidly becoming the new normal. People don’t always have time for face-to-face conversation, and that’s okay. Every now and then, shoot a person a text to let them know you’re thinking of them.
“I feel like I hear studies about how texting is ruining communication and relationships, but I honestly feel like the texts have brought us closer together. I can send a quick text in passing while I’m walking to work, a reminder that ‘Hey, I’m thinking about you,’ or ‘Hey, remember when?’ We can know a little about what’s going on each other’s lives, even when we won’t have time to talk for weeks or sometimes months.”
Technology allows us to communicate on a deeper level and maintain relationships we’ve previously formed. It’s yet to be determined exactly how effective technology is at forming lasting relationships, but that’s a topic for another day. So, the next time you see someone texting at the dinner table or at a bar, consider they may be connecting to another group, perhaps their BFFs from college. In other words, they may be playing their part in the “digital BFF renaissance.”